Sunday, 11 June 2017



Hay everyone! Can only just made a post about my 22nd birthday right nowww. I know, it's almost two months passed :') Been very busy and hectic about my final project! That it was hard to spend my time here... for literally writing a story!

Well, I am also a bit forget about what happened that day.. because there was nothing happened on 11th June. My family, left me at home alone, because there was Halal bi Halal at Jombang, that I could not join because that was less than a month left before my presentation day. Could you guess my nervousness? Nobody came home too, some people mostly forget too about my birthday. That I slept so early that day. I did not even feel that I am having a birthday hahaa.. poor me! Oh noo! I am so thankful to Allah SWT of course, for giving me another year and chance to become a better me! Indeed! What I should ask for?

I am happy, myself. As always :p

Butt, butt you know what? I had a 22-year-old-project with my geminian friend! Guess who? It's Yunita. (I have mention about her a lot)! So, it was a very secret project I made with her. We felt so happy that we could make it happen. Wish it would be useful and long lasted in Allah's eyes. Aamiin Ya Rabb. Wish, we could make another positive and secret projects together in the future.. :) 

Then.. it was one of that strange day, when I had a study group at Icak's home with Rizqi and Icak.. She kept telling me to stay there until iftar, because she wanted to cook together with me.. Ehm.. A very bad excuse.. :p Until.. it was 3 PM, she suddenly said that Yunita and Bibib was about to join our cooking's event ((event)), please bold that <-- haha. But I kept calm and acted like I have no clue or any suspicion for that kind of "surprise, surprise" thingy :p Then, yunita and bibib came, and we cooked together. I became more suspicious when Icak cooked the noodle in a big portion. I kept asking her, why she made so many food while her family were having an iftar outside.. Uhm. maybe it's for sahoor.. I thought so.. But she kept being so suspicious. WKWKWK

And.. tadaaaaaaaaa, right before the Adzan is heard. Vio, Tara, Derai, Jatu, Tiara, Ika, Sulal, were coming too.
At last, we had chit chat, praying, eating, and taking photos together. We were in full team formation hahaha, which rare to be happened lately.. So, we kinda had a quality time that night.. First, iftar together too.. Thanks Icak for the food😛                              

And about this one, below?! 
It was a cake from Mas Edo, wakaka. So sad, that there weren't any candles on it :'p and it was a week late, huft.. No, no, I am kidding. Thank you for the effort Mas. At least, I had my personal (piece of) birthday cake.. wkwkwkwk. 😃I have no special story about this, because he bought the cake together with me, huahaha, and it's for breaking our fasting before we ate the main food ( I forgot what we bought then by the way) --" Well, birthday is just another day passing by. Just another sign, that we can count. A sign that we already spent another year as a human in this world.. As I grow up, it has a less meaning i think.. because the number of people who care are decreasing too, I guess.. (hahaa).. Kidding. Funny, how things change year by year.. Who I had beside me last year, now become another person/people this year, but my friendsss!! Huft, what am I trying to say?? I don't know wkwkw.. Thank you for those who gave more effort to remind me I am still important on my birthday (?). I couldn't post every one of them here... Because I am too lazy to move my photos.. (These photos were automatically backed up on my iCloud).. I don't have any idea why the rest weren't uploaded too.

By the way, the best gift I've got this year was.. 


Thursday, 23 February 2017

Trip To Jakarta!

Hey hey hey! Good morning, guys! I mean, it's really in an early morning! Ehm, wonder why do always my body turn out to be hard to get sleepy after had a tiring day? Well, it's quite gloomy and blue before. Ehem, I am talking about my last post, hahaha, so let's forget about it and move on with another happier story to tell. ðŸ˜Š

Let's see what I have for you, guys..


Tada! I've just uploaded a new video at my YouTube channel. Maybe you guys want to give a glimpse into it, hehehe. Talking about this video, there was another fun and hilarious journey I had with my friends to Jakarta behind it. Not forget to mention, it was free! So, I had tell about the scholarship I got months ago that made me so thankful & reminded me about my parents. Yep, that was it. After got the scholarship, all of the scholarship grantee was invited by the company to come to the gathering event at Jakarta about a month before the due date. It was also mentioned that we would get reimbursement for the transportation's fee after we arrived there. In other words, we are going to have a free trip. The amount of the reimbursement were decided by the distances from the hometown of the University to Jakarta as the destination city.                                            

I went there by the airplane along with my classmates & junior. They were Tara, Hisyam, Cecen, Rety, and Andini. We departed from Juanda Airport Surabaya at Friday, 10th February and arrived on the same day at Soekarno Hatta Airport Jakarta. Then, we took a cab to get to the Gathering's venue, at Eco Park Ancol, precisely. After arrived at Ancol, we ride on Wara-Wiri Bus, a free bus to accommodate the visitor inside Ancol. Then, we arrived at the Eco Park. By the way, we dropped off at the wrong bus stop, so we still had to walk for some miles (hahaha, ndak juga sih). But, it was fine, because we through a very nice environment to get to the hotel. We also saw some animals, pond, lot of plants & trees. It's a bit windy at Jakarta that evening. Hisyam and Cecen got new friend, he is Hamid from University of Indonesia, actually we also took the same bus, but he didn't talk too much. We also met friends from our university that took a different accommodation with us. After checked in, we got some merchandise and vouchers for tomorrow's breakfast & dinner. Then, we entered the room. It was a big room for 40 people, the bed was laid in order. We had about an hour to clean & have a pray. Then, we took our dinner and went to a place. It was in front of a stage where we can eat while listen to a live music performance. The band was so good, to be honest. Hahahah. But we annoyed by the cat's poop around this area. Yuck! After walked around, we back to our hotel & slept. 

The second day, me, Tara, Rety, and  Andini woke up so early in order to can take a bath, because they were only 3 bathroom. We took a bath at about 3 AM. Guess what, they were already queue for showers. After had a breakfast, we had a kind of "talk show" session, which talked about two topics. They were "Professional Communication" and "Leadership". It was an interesting topics with great speakers! (and also beautiful & powerful lecturer.) Such an inspiring talk. I wish I can be like them too, just wait. By the way, it was mostly raining all day long. Luckily, I brought my thin jacket inside my bag. After have done the session at Ancol, we divided into 3 bus, and went to Bintaro, Tangerang Selatan. It was an area which developed by the company along with the province government. There were many of Pembangunan Jaya's business branch at there. We visited the Sport Center which used specifically for Badminton Training. There were some Indonesia's Badminton Legend who greeted us, such us Mrs. Imelda Wigoena & Mrs. Rosiana Tandean, the PB Jaya Raya's director, and also the athlete under the guidance of this club. They have joined the club since such a young age and wander from their hometown. What makes this club special, that this club does not forget about the academic's stuffs of their athletes, so they made school and its own curriculum that would fit with the athlete's tight schedule of training & competition. From the Sport Center, we went to Jaya International School, which is a very guwd school. I wish I could sign in my future children to a school like that. The school has a very complete facilities and also runs with an interesting system. Lastly, the journey's session ended at Bintaro XChange Mall. We got a greeting from the director then we also given a 100k voucher that we can use to buy either food, clothes, shoes, etc. (It supposed to buy a dinner, but most of us used it to buy things). At 9.30 PM the bus headed to go back to the hotel. And it took around half and an hour from Bintaro to Ancol through the city's highway. The second day was a long day but luckily it passed in a blink ;)


The last day, we still had so many breakfast's vouchers left. That's why, we bought some more foods than yesterday. I bought, fried rice with an extra egg and crackers, orange juice (which turned out to be as same as lime juice. Surprisingly sour! but still alhamdulillah), and also a chocolate waffle. After finished our breakfast, we walked around the dock near to our eating place. We saw fishes and took some photos. Not long after that, we were commanded to go back to the hotel, got prepare for the out bond session. We didn't allow to bring important things as it was raining outside. The out bond went so fast due to the short time left for it. We divided into different group, different universities. We played some games, which were funny and I had never play some of them before. After finished the out bond. We back to the meeting point. There were the winner's announcement. My group got the third place, yaay! Then, there were closing session and we got certificates based on our universities. After that, we all packed our stuffs and prepared to go to Dufan. The third day ended by enjoying playing at Dufan. We tried rides, we went back to the hotel. Took our bags and ate foods from Hisyam's parents. By the way, it was raining so bad at night for about an hour. Lastly, we went straight to the airport. Waited our flight which was still at 4AM, that means.. yap, we slept at the airport! Hahahaha. I had a good sleep though. I slept at the waiting's bench and woke up right on 3AM because it was cold brrr! Then, we checked in and took wudhu, since it has not been Subuh at that hour.


That's the end of my story, wkwkwk. After arrived at home, I slept from 8AM to 2PM. :p

Monday, 20 February 2017

Take your time

Hi, blog. Udah lewat sebulan ya dari post terakhir saya. Nggak kerasa. Hmm, jadi, mahasiswa semester terakhir telah ngebuat 24 jam berasa 6 jam, alias, waktu berjalan 25% lebih cepat dari biasanya. Hahaha alay gak? Alay dong. 

Lately, I realize, that life is not a race between me and anybody else. The most important person to conquer is my own self, my own dreams, my own goals, not theirs. Life is not always winning the competition, getting the attention & recognition from other people. Life is learning. Learn to accept yourself whatever it is and have a will to make it better for your own good. Learn to forgive and give in return to whatever other people have done to you. 

Don't be sad, Allah always be with you. See you on top!

Tuesday, 10 January 2017

What's next

Cerita ini harus diawali dengan kisah kilas balik sewaktu saya masih berumur 20 tahun. Saya memiliki teman kecil yang bernama yunita. Dan kami memiliki tanggal lahir yang tepat sama, yaitu 11 Juni 1995. Sehingga, kami sering menyebut diri kami sebagai "geng gemini" setiap kali kami melakukan perjalanan atau bermain bersama. Di penghujung umur 20 tahun kami, kami berbincang-bincang seperti biasa, lalu sampailah kami pada topik "kita habis ini akan berumur 21 tahun lho". Kami mulai menyadari bahwa umur 20 tahun bukanlah umur yang sedikit. Maka, kami merasa perlu untuk melakukan perubahan-perubahan dan membuat goals dalam perjalanan kami kedepannya.

Pada dasarnya, kami memang seringkali bertukar pikiran baik dari masalah paling sepele sampai yang paling berat sekalipun (tentang kegalauan perempuan timur pada umumnya) (lhah emangnya apaan?). Oke, jadi waktu itu pembicaraan dimulai dengan pertanyaan,

"Apa yang pengen kamu lakukan di umur 21 tahun?"

Pertanyaan yang cukup sederhana, namun juga lumayan membingungkan bagi orang yang kadang lebih suka menjalani hidup sesuai bagaimana jalannya, tipe yang let it flow gitu, tapi juga tetep punya ambisi, tapi juga nggak ambis-ambis amat. Beberapa hal mulai kami sebutkan. Dan dari kesemua itu, kami memiliki satu kesamaan, yaitu "ingin belajar menjadi lebih dewasa". Wkwkw poin tersebut memang masih  sangat general, karena parameter kedewasaan sungguh sangat abstrak bagi setiap orang. Lalu, kami mulai mendetailkan apa itu dewasa yang ingin kami capai di umur 21 tahun, salah satunya yaitu bisa mandiri secara finansial. Kalaupun tidak dalam bentuk yang "kami bisa membiayai hidup kami sendiri", setidaknya kami ingin belajar menjadi mandiri finansial yang "kami sudah tidak perlu minta uang saku lagi". Beberapa ide berbisnis mulai bermunculan saat itu, namun terhambat karena faktor ketidaktersediaan modal dan kurangnya keseriusan dalam menyusun rencana berbisnis hahah.  Sebenarnya, apa yang paling saya dapat ambil sebagai pelajaran, dalam perbincangan saya dengan yunita saat itu, jadi pada akhirnya kami membuat janji. Janji yang pertama adalah kami harus mencari pekerjaan sampingan yang setidaknya dapat membantu orang tua kami dengan tidak meminta uang saku lagi, dan yang kedua adalah kami harus mengikuti lomba KJI Busur. Dan di penghujung tahun 2016 ini, kami baru menyadari kalau kami sudah menepati janji kami. Kami telah mengirim proposal KJI Busur, walaupun hasilnya tidak sesuai harapan, but at least we tried, lalu yang selanjutnya, kini kami sudah mulai mencari penghasilan sendiri, ya mungkin ini  sudah cukup familiar di kalangan mahasiswa, yaitu kami menjadi guru les privat. 

Sedikit saya tahu, mencari rezeki bukanlah pekerjaan yang ringan, kadang godaan rasa malas itu seringkali datang, apalagi bila urusan kuliah juga sedang hectic-hectic nya, atau bila ada ajakan dari teman-teman untuk keluar bermain, dan yang paling kronis adalah ketika rasa penat sedang melanda.. sehingga baru melihat sampul buku pelajaran adik les aja, otak sudah berasap. Namun, rasa lelah yang datang selalu terasa terbayar ketika saya bertemu adik-adik yang merupakan teman belajar saya, dan sedikit mulai hilang seiring durasi mengajar saya terus berjalan.. Sebuah kepuasan tersendiri dapat membagi ilmu. Teringat ketika saya masih seumur mereka pasti saya juga merasakan bingung dalam menyelesaikan atau mempelajari hal-hal itu, dan kini saya entah bagaimana, alhamdulillah, rasanya dapat berpikir lebih "encer". Ketika saya belajar bersama Gita dan Tasya, saya merasa selangkah lebih dekat dengan mimpi saya, untuk menjadi dosen, ataupun untuk membuat sekolah. Maka, saya sangat bersyukur Allah mengantarkan saya pada kesempatan ini.. Hal yang ingin saya lakukan sejak dua tahun lalu namun terhalang karena sebulan setelah saya mengajar Vivo (murid pertama saya), saya sakit, sehingga mama tidak mengizinkan saya untuk meneruskan. Kemudian, setahun belakangan disibukkan dengan kegiatan non-akademik di kampus.

Saya sadar, seringkali saya menolak untuk keluar dari zona nyaman saya dan banyak kesempatan yang tidak saya coba ambil karena kekhawatiran akan "ketidak mampuan" ataupun "kegagalan". Maka, semoga di hari-hari berikutnya, saya dapat lebih berani untuk mencoba. Kisah hari ini terlalu kesana kemari ya, tetapi ini saya tulis supaya dapat menjadi pengingat dan wujud syukur di hari-hari kedepan.


Wednesday, 4 January 2017

Hello, 2017!

Hi, Marmut!
Setelah saya lihat-lihat, blog saya isinya mulai gloomy lagi ya. Hehehe, sebab memang perjalanan yang lebih sering saya arungi adalah perjalanan perasaan, selebihnya saya kurang ada waktu (beuh) buat melakukan, selain itu kurang ada dana juga. Jadi ya.. perjalanannya mungkin berkisar rumah-kampus-rumah kedua-rumah adik les-rumah gitu terus atau mungkin ada rute tambahan ke mall-superindo dekat rumah kedua. Oleh karena itu, sebenarnya banyak sekali tumpukan draft yang isinya lebih ke melodrama-way sehingga berhujung tidak jadi di post. Memang, hidup akhir-akhir ini terasa agak flat, dan gejolak yang ada, mayoritas terjadinya di dalam hati. So, pardon me blog for those blue and gloomy writings in here lately. I'd like to replace them with many beautiful and happy stories in return.. if Allah gives me the chances hopefully. :) Ohya, dan by the way! Akhir-akhir ini lebih aktif update seputar kisah hidup di tumblr, karena emang disana lebih mudah diakses! Selain itu, belum nemu aplikasi blogging yang ga ribet untuk blogspot di iOS, mungkin ada saran? Jadi sangat agak males untuk bercerita disini, sebab rada susah buat mindahin foto-foto! Dan kadang, rada males juga buat ngetik yang panjang sehingga cerita hanya diwakilkan dengan foto-foto. Wkwk terlalu banyak alasan yah? Namun, karena ini sudah memasuki liburan semester ganjil di universitas saya, welcome back blog!

How is  the 2017 so far, guys? Hope it was good and it would be for the rest of it yhaa! Baru berapa hari sih? Empat kan ya. Agak nggak percaya juga kalau tahunnya sudah berganti lagi. Terlalu cepat rasanya! Mengakhiri tahun 2016 dengan kejadian-kejadian yang agak menguji rasa sabar dan ikhlas, ya Allah, kayak cobaan kok ada-ada saja gitu... Namun, yaa begitulah hidup. Pada akhirnya, cuman harus menerima kan ya? Dan percaya kalau semuanya akan baik-baik saja. Agree?  Terima kasih 2016 untuk pelajaran hidupnya. Semoga saya mampu menjadi pribadi yang lebih baik dan lebih dewasa tentunya.. dalam bertindak maupun berperilaku.

2017 akan menjadi tahun yang sangat penting dan melegendaris dalam perjalanan hidup saya. InsyaAllah, semoga dapat lulus dengan gelar sarjana di tahun ini. Aaamiiiin ya Rabbal alamin. Lalu, mulai mengejar satu persatu target berikutnya. Most of the time, I was thrown in between anxious, curious, scared, you named it.. ! Tetapi gimanapun, saat itu akan datang juga! When life slapped me right on my face, that I need to get up, and be ready about whatever that coming in reality.. haaahh

Hmm, kemarin mengawali awal tahun dengan jalan-jalan bersama Mas Edo, hahaha. Kita nonton Star Wars Rogue One lohh! Dan gak tahu kenapa, saya terkesima sekali waktu menontonnya! Wkakaka, ceritanya nih, saya kan nonton hari.. Minggu ya. Nah, seminggu sebelumnya, saya itu bermalam sama adik saya di rumah Nginden yang notabene layanan tv kabelnya baru aja diganti. Berhubung itu malam natal, di TV itu banyakk banget film-film, termasuk salah satunya Star Wars yang Force Awakens. Pertama kali lihat itu, langsung ketagihan aja. Suka sama karakter-karakter dan animasinya! Wkwk Rey is super cool, indeed. Dan waktu tahu Rogue One  yang main itu Felicity Jones, makin lah pengen lihat! Jadi waktu diajakin nonton itu langsung mau deh.Yippiiieeeee! That day was so fun! Jadi pengen beli merchandise nya Star Wars wkwkwkwk bahayaa iniihhh. Tidaaak!

Oh iyaa. Saya sama mbik tadi jadi anak kedokteran sehari loh! Numpang ngasih surprise dan foto doang sih disana. Uhuuuyyy Selamat Pinuuuu S.Ked nya! Weee doain kita-kita yang masih baru sidang proposal yaa! Semoga lancar koas nya, bermanfaat ilmunya, dan bisa jadi dokter yang dapat mensejahterakan banyak orang dengan kesehatan. Kesehatan itu modal utama lohh. Tadi jadi mikir.. rasanya beda latar belakang banget ya antara anak teknik dan kedokteran. Kalau teknik, hubungannya dengan benda mati, nah kalau dokter, hubungannya langsung dengan makhluk hidup. It brings a really different responsibility.. Namun, apapun disiplin ilmunya, yang terpenting semoga dapat memberi manfaat untuk khalayak banyak. ;) Wkwkwk waktu tadi berkunjung kesana, yang senang adalah bisa bertemu lagi sama beberapa teman-teman. Dan beneran yaa.. dunia itu serasa sempit sekali. Bahkan, saya tadi ketemu anak yang waktu itu pernah ngetes gula darah eyang saya waktu jalan-jalan di Taman Bungkul dan dia masih inget aja wkwkwk. Terus ngga sengaja ketemu juga sama kembaran saya waktu SMA, sekarang udah beda sih, dianya makin kurus, sayanya makin... Ah sudahlah.

Yap. Segitu dulu ceritanya. Sampai jumpa di cerita-cerita selanjutnya yaah, Marmut! Kamu jangan galau yaa! 2017 akan jadi tahun yang lebih bahagia, semangat semangatt. May the force be with you! B)


Wednesday, 9 November 2016

Rahasia Hati.

Ada saatnya dalam hidup, dimana aku nggak mengerti apa yang sedang terjadi dalam hidup ini. Banyak hal terjadi di 2016, begitu juga yang menyangkut masalah hati. Akupun kadang nggak mengerti apa yang hidup coba sampaikan dengan kejadian-kejadian ini, sampai aku suka berpikir keras berusaha mengumpulkan semua fragmen-fragmen ini supaya menjadi sesuatu yang bisa aku ambil hikmahnya. Jujur saja, nggak jarang, di saat-saat itu, aku menangis sejadi-jadinya. Nggak bisa disampaikan gimana rasa sakitnya dan lelahnya menjadi seorang "aku" setahun belakangan ini. Mungkin nggak ada yang paham, kenapa justru di sini adalah aku yang tersakiti, dan mulai mencibir atau berkata dalam hati kalau aku nggak tahu diri, angin-anginan, dan sesuka hatiku sendiri. Yup, sederhana- karena nggak ada yang mencoba melihat permasalahan ini dari kacamataku. 

Aku juga heran mengingat bagaimana kisah percintaanku berubah dalam kurun waktu sekejap. Sebelumnya, aku bukan seseorang yang concern dengan masalah percintaan. Biasanya aku hanya menjadi pemeran "pecinta diam-diam" sampai akhirnya di tahun 2014, aku dipertemukan dengan seseorang yang biasanya aku panggil dia Omik (mungkin sudah pernah aku sebut di post-post ku sebelumnya). Tak bermaksud mengungkit cerita lama, namun mungkin di sinilah titik mulanya, Omik adalah seseorang yang aku kagumi ketika aku baru saja masuk di universitas, kebetulan kami satu kelompok saat itu. Namun, rasa itu hanya rasa kagum sesaat karena selanjutnya, aku jarang bertemu dengannya. Tak disangka, setahun kemudian, aku dipertemukan lagi dengannya, dan kami satu kelompok dalam suatu penugasan, yang menyebabkan kami memiliki alasan untuk berkomunikasi. Sebulan setelah kami tak lagi bersama di satu event tersebut, ternyata dia menghubungiku, dan aku bersama dengannya nyaris delapan bulan lamanya. Omik juga tak pernah kuberi tahu masalah ini, namun- ya karena entah kenapa rasanya saat aku bisa bertemu lagi dengannya adalah suatu momen spesial yang Allah beri padaku saat itu, makanya aku merasa Omik adalah orang yang sangat spesial. Sampai seiring berjalannya waktu, aku terus berfikir, bahwa berpacaran bukanlah hal yang diperbolehkan oleh agamaku. Apalagi, saat itu aku beberapa kali merasa sangat sedih karenanya, maka aku meminta untuk sendiri saat itu kepada Omik. Walaupun, rasaku sejujurnya mungkin masih banyak saat itu untuknya dan nggak ada masalah yang benar-benar sangat besar yang dipermasalahkan saat itu. Atau mungkin sampai hari ini, dia selalu mempunyai tempat spesial di hatiku. 

Pikirku, kalau aku benar-benar sayang seseorang, aku ingin menjemputnya dengan cara yang baik. Siapapun nanti yang pada akhirnya akan bersama denganku sampai akhir nanti.

Lalu perlahan, cerita-cerita baru mulai terjadi dalam hari-hariku. Entah bagaimana awalnya, seseorang memasuki duniaku. Dunia yang ingin aku tenangkan yang ingin aku sembuhkan yang ingin aku kembalikan ke bentuk semulanya. Namun, hal itu tak berjalan lama. Karena, rupanya aku hanyalah tempatnya berbagi cerita saat itu. Okelah, akupun mulai mengambil jarak, berusaha membetulkan patahan-patahan yang ada di dalam diriku. Rasanya aku sangat mampu saat itu, karena aku ingat niat awalku. Sedikit demi sedikit, aku mulai terbiasa dengan ini dan mulai kembali sembuh. Aku lakukan banyak kesibukan dan bertemu dengan orang-orang baru. Perlahan, aku berubah menjadi seseorang yang terbiasa untuk membatasi- utamanya perasaanku. Aku tak lagi sedih, aku tak lagi merindukan sesosok orang ataupun teman cerita, aku tak lagi menemukan definisi "tertarik dengan seseorang". Aku habiskan waktuku untuk berkontemplasi dengan bersepeda, berbincang dengan keluargaku, dan menyusun mimpi-mimpiku. Sampai, saat itu aku juga sempat jatuh sakit, karena lelah yang aku paksakan. 

Lalu datang lagi seseorang, yang tak sengaja aku beri perhatian, hanya karena aku menemukannya dalam setiap updetan sosial mediaku, sampai yang terbawah. Saat itu aku mulai bertanya-tanya, "Ngapain anak ini?". Tanpa sadar, aku mulai menjadi akrab dengannya. Duniaku kembali menjadi ceria, aku menemukan seseorang yang bisa menginspirasiku dan membicarakan banyak hal- khususnya yang berhubungan dengan studiku sekarang. Kami pun melakukan banyak hal bersama, karena aku berada dalam suatu kepentingan dengannya. 

Waktupun berlalu. Banyak rasa senang dan sedih yang harus aku tampung karena keberadaan mereka dalam duniaku. Kadang rasanya lelah, sangat lelah, untuk menjaga perasaan mereka berdua. Sampai aku lupa menjaga perasaanku sendiri. Bahkan detik ini, tak sadar, air mataku mulai menetes. Aku nggak tahu harus bagaimana menyampaikan semua ini. Mungkin aku hanya anak kecil yang bermaksud berbuat baik dan berharap keadaannya akan selalu baik-baik saja, namun justeru aku menjadi seseorang yang sepertinya telah melukai hati orang-orang terbaik yang datang dalam hidupku.. Akupun nggak mengerti kenapa tiba-tiba semuanya berubah. Suatu hari semuanya berubah, aku tak lagi harus bertemu dengannya setiap hari, dan aku memiliki kesibukan baru, dan tak sadar- aku kembali menjadi aku yang lama. Aku yang ingin sendiri. Aku yang menolak merasa sedih karena ketakutanku sendiri dengan masalah percintaan, aku yang mudah sedih hanya karena aku merasa dilupakan, aku yang menolak merasa sedih hanya karena aku merasa rindu kepada seseorang. Aku yang mematikan setiap kehangatan yang aku mulai rasa kepada seseorang, hanya karena aku takut. Lalu aku pergi.

Mungkin, sampai hari ini, aku masih belum bisa berdamai dengan semua luka itu. Sampai hari ini, aku masih susah menerjemahkan apapun yang aku rasa, karena yang aku bisa deteksi ketika aku mulai merasakan sesuatu pada seseorang adalah kesedihan dan rasa bersalahku. Aku ingin memperbaiki semuanya. Aku tak ingin terus diselimuti perasaan ini. Aku hanya bisa doakan kalian dari kejauhan dan berharap kalian selalu merasa bahagia.

Sisanya, aku pasrahkan pada Allah Subbhanawataa'la dan waktu yang menunjukkan.
Selamat mengejar mimpi.

Salam hangat,

Dear, My support system

Mum, Dad,
This evening when I got home from an event, I've just realized something.Well, first of all I must thank Allah for everything Allah has given to me. Then, I remembered you both.
Back to this evening,
I was sitting in the room while getting an information about a company- which is thankfully giving me a scholarship for a year. I heard it with a high attention because it talked about something that is so close with my field- since it's one of leading construction company at my country- and now I am already at the latest year- which means I should think about what I am gonna do after graduate, whether I will continue my study, or finding a job, or starting a start up and being an entrepreneur, etc.- InsyaAllah. 

After the session done, the scholarship grantee might eat snack or have a cup of tea or coffee, then went home. So, i took a piece of sandwich and a sweet cake, while got along with some new people from different major and university. Nice move for me since I am an introvert person who doesn't good at being chatty in a room full of new people, but surprisingly I did. Then, when the tea time session's done, we shook hands also said thanks to the Chief of the company, and went home. Alhamdulillah..

After cleaned some stuffs, I took a break and opened my phone. Then my Whatsapp notification was ringing,
"Kak, gimana lancar? sudah di rumah?"
"Mbak, bagaimana, sukses?"
There were also some missed calls notification. I became remember, last afternoon my Mum and Dad were so worry because they couldn't reach me through phone at least for an hour. Until they asked to my friends too. My parents are the type who are so care with their kids, most of the time. Mostly, when we are having a big day to through, or something important to solve, they will intensely asking to us until we say that it's done. Then I replied to them. I told them everything about today. My dad congratulated me. He told me to not forget to be thankful. Then he asked me to send a photo. He said he is so proud and happy about it. I should tell it to my siblings too. 

I look back and think about everything that my parents have done for me. I won't be at my place now without their support. Everything I have today is because their believe and lesson about life they have given to me up until now. I don't have a perfect family- I am not a perfect child too, but i thankful. I am thinking about thousand things I planned to do in the future. That surprisingly that day which I called "future" yesterday is about to come in my life. God, I am freaking out, honestly. I wish I could be vice versa and make my parents proud. 

I have this big dreams in me. I always do. I know, maybe my parent's condition haven't be able to help me to achieve them easily, but that doesn't mean that I can't make it true. God, do You know this feeling? It shakes my heart every time I think about it. I wish I could really make it happen, with Your permission of course. Thanks Mum, Dad for every countless effort you give to me. I will pay them back soon, even if I know I can't ever pay it back equally. Thank you for always remind me to do the right thing. Thank you for always have my back whenever I feel down. Thank you for teaching me to be a brave and an independent person. Thank you for not spoil me so I can learn that life wasn't that easy so I know how to fight for everything that I want. Thank you for build up a strong foundation to live a life. I realize, I still have to learn more. Allah, You know everything that lies in my heart, right? I know, You are the best planner. You know everything before me, so I should not be worry. 

Mum, Dad- in this writing, I just want you to know that everything I do, it's for you. Thank you for mentioning my name in every pray you have. Wish me luck & may Allah always bless you.

With love, Kakak.