25 December 2013


have you ever been in this kind of situation? you just too bored with everything around you. too bored with things that you used to do, waking up, eating, watching television, sitting for couple hours in front of computer, checking up your phone, chatting, going outside for doing your homework, and others common things in your life.

i don't know, i just just so so bored with these.

not mean to be the ungrateful one, but..it seems like, i need something new to do. but i don't know what i may worth to try, i don't know where to find that unknown things. but most of all. it just so hard to take me  out of my comfort zone. crap, kinda too confusing right? :)) I bored with mine, but i don't want bring my self out of it? hehehehe :)) 

Maybe, i shall try new things in my life. And be productive again. Lately, I'm a bit afraid to explore myself. I always scare, if i make fault, and people won't forget about it. I feel like everytime i try to be braver then i see people around me, and it seems like, they underestimated me.

By the way, lately i also feels like, my fears with crowded place's getting worse. I don't know, i just easily get uncomfortable in crowded place, though there're familiar people around me, i still get its feels. So.. i search about this kind of fears at google. And i knew, that it called as agoraphobia.

The literal meaning of agoraphobia is a fear of crowds or open places. More specifically agoraphobia showed fear trapped, with no easy way to escape if anxiety attack. Accompanied by general anxiety, panic attacks and feelings of unsteadiness and frequent dizzisness, no depression or depersonalization.

I still remember my latest moment with this phobia, it happened few months ago. I was about to come for one of my college's event and It didn't held on my department's building. P.S, i never go there before. It was night, i was late, and i went there by myself. Firstly i got on a wrong place. On that time, i couldn't reach my friends by sms, and unfortunately i didn't have much credits left, so i couldn't make a call.  i was wondering alone in the parking lot for 30 minutes. I started feeling scare on that time. And i concluded it myself that i was in the wrong place, so I moved from there, and finally arrived in where it supposed to be. And still i couldn't reach any of my friends. I was waiting inside my vehicle. I saw people around front of there, but i didn't feel familiar. And my fears was coming up. I was starting to cry.. It took 30 minutes again before i decided to steps outside, maybe i could find my friends. There were people there, but I've been too scare to ask them, so i just walked alone until I got in the corner of a room, I took a look from its window. There looked so crowded, and it got me scarier than before. I sit, and i sent message to my friends again. But no one of them that replied. And i started to cry again. Until finally I got braver and calmer... I walked into another side of the building, with my tears shed kinda much :)) And i found my friends.

It was so silly. if i just not being too scare and be braver, i must have been found my friends there earlier :')
it's been fifth times until now, that i've been happening this kind of situation, most time, i cry and i scare because i feel strange with things and people around me, i feel alone, confuse, and being panic at a time. So.. to anticipate the same things happen again, I'm telling this to my friends. and now they helped me a lot. Anytime, we agree to go outside, they always text me first whether I have arrived or not. Where Am I? hahaahaha

Sometimes, they take it to bully me :)) like:
"Riz, kamu dimana? Gak nangis kan? ojok wedi, ak wes deket"
But..you know, it's indeed also a sweet thing of them, hahahaa :))

Okay that's all. it's really out of the topic! by the way, still happy enjoying holiday, because I'm about to have a super late dinner now, (hahahahaha, trust me it's 10:55 PM, and my mommy ask us to have a Soto, grrrrr *crying over my weight that won't get lose, wkwkwkw :)), see you!

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