There will a time when you can't fully understand about yourself. You're mad, you're sick, you're sad, you're happy, but you can't find any reason for it. And what's worse about it? it makes you hard, because you want to solve this matter inside you, but how you can do that if you can't figure out what's actually make it happens. It's like.. when you're gonna looking for someone that has been missing for years, but you don't know his name, you don't know where he lives, you don't know how is he looks like nowadays. It may be possible, but it will take a long time to find him, won't it?
I hate it, when i'm in this situation. It really ruins my days. It makes my mood swings up and then down, unexpectedly.
I just can't find the right words to explain it. I have it gathered so full over my head. Clinging so tight inside it. Make it being so crowded. Pressing me up, down, left, right. Leave no space to move. I just feel so desperately messed up and lost.
I have them around me, my friends, my family. But I just can't easily telling them what's matter. Maybe i just need to slow down and take my time.. try to bear it with myself. And asking it to my self.
"Hey, What's happen, self?"
Something like that, hahaha.
Or, maybe, it's just another time when I feel like,
I really need to find someone who I can comfortably to talk with.
Sometimes, i feel so tired with myself. I hate it, when I'm really hard to understand. I'm so suck.
And i need that person, who can bear with my character. Who can keep up with me, my thoughts, my dreams, my stories. Who will just stay close to me, no matter how hard is it. No matter how hard it can be. Just stay still sitting there, next to me, whenever I don't feel like to talk about anything. whenever I feel sad over something.
I can't guarantee you that I'm a good person.. I'm not perfect, I'm not pretty, I'm a bad temperament in one side, I have so many flaws,
But when you're not giving up on me,
I won't too.
I just hard to believe in someone. I'm not easy to show my feeling. I don't want to look weak in others eyes. I used to grow above my own independent principal, because of my childhood background, i know how bad is it sometimes, but i just won't to rely on anyone.
|Just like, Niki found her Nata =)) |
One day I would too! :P