25 February 2013

to: Picadi


 

"Seperti cerita yang tak ingin berenti kuceritakan
 Seperti lagu yang tak ingin berenti kunyanyikan
Membawa senyum hanya dengan sedikit mengingat tentangnya
Seperti terisi walau jarak membentang
Seperti disisi walau kata tak bersinambungan
Seperti sihir, kau ada"  



It was a post request from friend of mine. And i made it already because my modem just get activated by my mom hehehe. Well, my friend asked me to make a "galau" post. After keep finding and  thinking to.. what "galau" story I should tell here...? In the end, I realize.. that there's no more "galau" story than my own love story, indeed! :'))))))))))))))))))))))))))

So.. It was my secret admiring story towards someone, well, let's call him, Ndut. He's a nice person yet too careless (it was my type :p), he's funny, childish, longor, and others that could keep making me enchanted with him, hiks hiks. Humm, by the way, I have liked him since.. Ramadhan two years back then. Wooohhhh, been old enough yaa, Ndut ? X)

Aku ngga tau juga, apakah si ndut ini nyampek sekarang, ngga pernah sadar kalo aku suka ama dia apa gimana? Apa tau tapi pura-pura ngga tau? Apa tau tapi emang dianya ngga peduli? Mgkn, opsi terahir yang paling masyukk :’) Tapi yang jelas, kalo kata temen sih, ini semua adalah salahku sendiri, kecupuen. Duh ya gimana lagi.. aku ini emang cupu dalam masalah percintaan. Aku emang takutan e.. pemalu parah sisan..  Aku ngga ngerti, kalo aku yang mulai duluan itu normal apa nggak, masa yaaa.. kalo aku habis chat2an gitu, besoknya.. aku pasti ngga berani kalo harus ketemu. Pasti tak hindarin.. Iyaa sumpaah aku itu cupu abis hehehe :p

Yauudah.. makanya.. kalo kata temenku sih, “Jeilah, ngga ada kemajuan cil. Cupu”-__-

Jadi, pas dulu itu, pernah kan ya, lagi main di kopsis. Terus, aku itu kalo di kopsis sukanya di bully gitu sama anak-anak T,T Ngga cuman temen seangkatan, bahkan adek2 kelas gitu ikutan ngelunjak kalo lagi ngebully aku, -,_- Nhaaah, terus ya.. Pas itu si Fakhri, si raja traktir, lagi koar-koar mau nraktir permen yuppi. Lha, aku kan ya pingin sih. Terus ak ngetem, “Riiii, aku ntr mau yaaaa...”. Terus tibalah si yuppi dibagi-bagi. Dan ternyata aku ngga dikasi dan ngga berhasil dapet satupun yuppi, trus aku diketawain sama adek-adek -_,-

Terus pas itu, kamu lah yang ngga berada jauh dari aku. Lhah, aku kan minta-minta permen yuppi gitu se, tapi ngga ada yang kasi, terus, pas mau sholat Jumat, kamu itu nawarin aku, “mau ta? Nilo..” Terus permen yuppi ice cream orenmu kamu kasih ke aku. Ngerti nggaaak nduut, pas itu seneng banget rasanyaaa, bahkan foto yuppinya masi ada di laptopku nyampe sekarang hahahah. Dan kayaknya sih, itulah yang bikin aku naksir pertama kali :-,) Dan, semenjak itu juga, kamu punya nama sendiri, “The Candy Giver” ;p

Hmm. Oya, ga lama kemudian, kan aku pake bb yaa, nhaah, baru-barunya make itu, aku diinvite gitu sama Fakhri, ke sebuah grup. Dan di dalemnya situ, ada si ndut jugaa – Setelaah mikir2 gitu, “add ngga yaa?”akhirnya malemnya aku add bbmnya ndut. Oyaa – Betein banget lhooo, uda mbrani-mbraniin diri, nyampek 3 hari gitu, masi belum di accept -_- Akhirnya di hari itu juga, ak delete pending requestnya hikshiks.. patah hati pooolll </3

Tapinya,,
Aku inget, pas itu habisnya ponrom ato apa gitu, terus aku disekola, pokoknya aku lagi sama bubub, minta ajarin kimia kalo ngga salah. Eh aku di invite ke sebuah grup lagi. Yaudah ak accept ajaa. Terus, pas udaah masuk, Woooohhhhh!!!! Ada namanya ndut lagi!! Disitu ada dua kontak dengan nama yang sama. Iyaaa, namanya Ndut. Tapi bedanya, satunya dpnya adalah sama yang kaya aku add tapi ngga di accept2, dan yang satunya lagi.. beda. Terus, aku galau gitudee, cerita ke bubub.

“Buuuuuuuub enaknya di add engga yaaa? Tapi entar ngga di accept lagi..”
“Coba aja lho bub..Barangkali yang kamu add itu sekarang uda ngga dipake lagi. Coba kamu add yang satunya beda aja.”
“Huhuhu kok ga berani yaaa.”
“Yaudaah, sini tak anuin aja.”
Terus akhrnya, siang itu, bubub yang nge add in bbnya diaa.
Belajar siang itu jadi ngga konsen.. Aku takut aja.. kalo ngga bakal di accept lagi.. Takut.. Kecewa lagi heeeuhhhhhh. Beberapa kali, hapeku tak incengin muluuu, ud di accept belum.. ><

Jengjengjenggg ~
Pas itu jam berapa yaa? Uda agak soree gitu. Aku mau pulang kaaan, aku inceng hapeee. Eh ternyataaaaaaaaaaaaaa, di accept hahahaa. (:P) Oya, malem beberapa hari setelahnya itu juga, kan ada temennya ndut yang minta folbek ke aku, yaudaa aku folbek, eee ngga taunya, di Tlnya temennya itu, dia ya lagi minta folbek ke Ndut, heheh, semenjak itu, aku jd tau twitternya ndut juga :)))

Tapi aku ngga sering mentionan sama dia. Pas dulu pertama kali mention dia itu, gara-garanya uda mualeem kaaan, terus dia ngetweet, insom gitude, terus tak retweet. Dan akhrnya sempet mentionan di twitter, oiyaaa.. di twitter juga, aku punya panggilan lain drpd yang lain ke dia. Bahkan nyampe skrg, ak sering panggil dia dengan nama itu heheheh.

Dan chat di bbm yang paling berkesan adalah, pas di bulan Ramadhan. Ternyata, kita sama-sama susah tidur lhoo. Terus, kalo sahur gitu, kita mesti bangunnya meepeeet, bahkan sering ngga saur,  ;p Hari itu, kita chat2an dari mulai buka puasa nyampe saur. Luama kaan ya? Daaan hari itu, ak ngerti ndut itu masio cueknya ngga ketulungan, dia itu baik sajane. Oyaa, aku ya inget, hari itu, dia lagi nginep di ruma temennya ehehehhe.

Ohiyaaaaa,
Dulu bbmku sama ndut mengalami masalah yang sama nih! Kita ngga bisa ganti status. Hahahah! 
Oiya, pas itu kan statusnya anu gitu. Kan ak penasaran, apaan si itu, kok ngga perna ganti juga.. ternyataaaa, itu judul lagu. Dan ngga perna ganti, karna emg gabisa gantiii :))
Akhrnya, kalo pas salah satu dr kita bs updet, kita mesti pamer dan laporan, trs kasih tau gmn kok bs :))

Tapi yaa, gara-gara suatu hari di malam bulan Ramadhan juga, aku liat ndut mentionan sm seseorang, dan semenjak itu aku jd ngerasa insecure buat suka sm dia. Dan aku berusaha keras buat gak semakin suka. Tapi apa daya, berhubung, setiap hari masih bisa ketemu sama dia, rasaa sukanya gak ilang-ilang TT

Uda agaak lama gitu.
Pas itu, lagi ngeliput final detcon. Eeeh terus ada guest starnya iku, muiriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip pol sama kamu. akhirnya aku chat kamu, terus tak ceritaain, bahkan nyampek tak video dan ak foto, ingatkah? :))

Oya.. Kamu ngga tau ya Ndut..
Waktu itu, habis aku bersepeda, aku mampir ke sebuah masjid. Masjidnya bagus, ada ACnya, makanya aku suka dan berenti disitu. Sesudanya aku sholat, aku kan make sepatu di teras depannya, aku kaget banget, pas ada mobil masuk, kaya mobilmu, parkir, dan tebak apa...itu emang mobilmu.Terus, Ngga berapa lama, ada bapak keluar dr mobilmu, jalan ke sebuah rumah di sebelah kanannya masjid. Gila aku ngga nyangka pool. Terus, berapa menit kemudian, ada anak cowo kecil rambutnya jabrik2 make baju abu-abu tua, turun di ruma itu juga, Agak lama dia berdiri di depan, totok2 pager, terus, ada anak cowo gedean make kaos putih, rambutnya jabrik2 juga, keluar dr ruma. Daaan iki garai lebih ga nyante lg, aku yakin iku kamu.Dan yg lebih meyakinkan lg, beberapa saat kemudian, mobil km yg warna emas, dateng juga. Dan yang keluar, adalah seorang ibu memakai baju paduan warna oren dan ijo. Wow.
i was guessing, Have I just look ur whole family ?:')

Well.. if talking about memories with you in there, i think it's gonna be so many. Like seriously, TOO MUCH. You know what? I did notice every single detail since there's you and me in it.. And it means a lot, somehow. Memories that always give me a warm feeling anytime I remember about it. And now, I can't believe I've liked you until this period, with no brave. Just like what my friend said, no progress at all. And just like Aho said, it was all my fault. I'm the one who don't have a brave to show you how's my actually feeling. I'm the one who scare to fall (Instead, I indeed fallen deeper and deeper). I'm the one who don't take any action. I'm the first to give distance, and blocked my feeling since the very beginning..

You don't know it, right? How broken was I, to know that you were with her? You don't know too, ndut.. How my mood swinging anytime, to meet you. How i get super happy to meet your car when I about halfway to school? I'm being too excited yet nervous. You don't know too, how i really want to say  hi to you anytime we meet, but I scare.. you won't notice me. You don't know too, how I really wanted to say happy birthday directly to you in your last 17th birthday -- But my friends always chuckled me, so I cancelled it, and I got upset that day. But, lucky me, i could tell  you directly then.. though it was late :p Ndutttt, you don't know how i really really want to scream your name out loud anytime you have a game! But i was too scare and..realize that I was no one. And what more pathetic is, since I don't use blackberry again, sometimes i borrow Aho's phone to see your profile. Puhuhu.
I guess it's gonna be..a really...long list, to mention stuffs that you will not (ever) know.. :')

Sometimes, i still miss you. So damn fuckin muuuuuuuuuuuch. Wondering, have you know how is my feeling towards you ? How i always wanted to ask you, how was your day. Was you happy? :) Sometimes, i'm thinking how happy would i, if my love story was as easy as Endah n' Rhesa's song? So, I could tell you how I like you, this much. Even until this second.><

Like a flashing star, now that boy in purple shirt, while bringing a white carton inside his bag, been already bigger and bigger.. He's growing up each day. He started to like and love someone. He started to make memories in his High School life with his friend. Now, he is 17, just like me. He learnt how to ride a car himself. I know.. actually he will not unnoticed me, but It just me who don't try.

Nduuut, would you still keep the picture that I sent and told you to keep it months ago? A picture contained, A boy using a t-shirt with your name and jersey number? You promised to me that you won't delete it, right?:-)

Ndut, i just want to tell you,  that you ain't a pathetic person at all. Someday, your sickness will healed. You could run in unlimited time. You won't get tired so early. Ndut, please remember this, your parents did love you, so please don't make them disappointed. Ndut, never leave any pray ya.. Please wake up earlier on holiday! :))) Please take more care with yourself. Don't play a game too much. And try to sleep in right time! Nduut, good luck on chasing your dreams yaa! Accountant? Architecture? Or Game Maker? I know you can! Hahaha!

Nduuuut, though you won't ever read this, hmmm it's ok, because one day, i know, there will be someone that telling you these stuffs, right? And I guess she would be a lucky girl, :) Ndut wish you be happy, luck, and healthy always ya.. :-)

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