23 July 2014

When you believe

This week's journey yey

It's 2.18 A.M in the morning, but as I'm still here, you know, I can't sleep..
Well, maybe I should killing my time here.. I've turned on my room's cooler, listening to music, and things similar to that.. Yep, being in cycle is really a bad thing in Ramadhan's month.. huf..

Time is really one kind of a magic, I guess. You know what, It's been a month since my first day of holiday. And 23rd day of fasting! I know, days must have been passed really good until i didn't realize it at all :) 

I really thankful to You, Allah. 

These days, I have those people who always there taking care of me, company me, day to night, day to afternoon, night to morning, lucky enough right? :) Plus, in this holiday I have sort of things to do at morning to afternoon. Sometimes, I company my aunty in running her bakery business.. I'm not doing anything big, sometimes I just packed the cookies, hmm or had mixing some ingredients, also picking it to some places with my aunty. Though, sometimes I felt tired in the night, I never regret myself, because I'm feeling happy while doing it.. Except for the cats's disturbance in my aunty's house. There are 7cats in there.. Can you imagine how's my feeling? Even, there's one that ever disturbing while I'm praying.. You guys must know just how much I was frightened and holding so much of my fear.. ckckck --

Hmm, tonight.. I want to share something too
So, yesterday, I had a sudden little bit cheesy conversation with my mother. And what I wanna share with you is what's it about. I don't know what made my mom asked this to me, but suddenly,
"Kak, why do you have no boyfriend, until now?"
I'm not really took it serious, cause my mom ever asked me the same question couple time before.. But then, my mom continued her words.

 "..because, when you already in job's places, it will be kinda hard to look for it. You'll only have a small circle to communicate it. More over, if you already feel so much comfortable with your job. You'll start to think, that you're really a total independent woman, who doesn't need anyone to share your life with.. Many women have experienced that way.. You know that, right?"

I took a moment to consider what suitable answer for my mom. I told her that I had that kind of scary of being attached with someone. I don't like to trust anyone and being depend on them. I feel it's enough for me for just being an independent one for myself. Then, my mom continued her words.. "You don't need to be in relationship, being just two only with your boyfriend, mom also not really like that, but mom only want you to try knowing someone. try to know how's their personality. try to know how to trust person. try to maintenance things with someone. one day, you'll meet the best person to suit in your life. but one day too, you'll also meet that bad people, who will push you to your patience's limits, who'll scratch your heart with hurt, and leave you for some lessons in the future."

I know, 19 is still an early age for those stuffs. I should take my education at my first option. But, I know what my mother means. Later, I'm not only facing life through books, paper, or presentation. You know, world is wicker out there.. People with two faces are everywhere. And only some who show you their true color in your life... :)

I used to keep pushing away someone that I think I won't to stay with from the start. I used to let things be broken when it already took me down, I will just leave it without trying to fix them first. But, lately, I learn not to. Someone told me that I should try trusting people. Not being too arrogant, and looks strong outside. Try to say what I really feel. Yea, I want to fight for something which I know it will worth fighting for.. 

I remembered with what Ted from HIMYM says,
"When you believe in people, people come through."
And, I'm just still looking for the really right one :)

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