The basic question?

Sometimes I wish I could turn back the time, restart it to some moments in my life and did it the way I wanted it to be. But, well, no one can't master the time. It's just that.. a thing that we can't take back even for a second. Also, a thing that we can't take for granted even for the next second.

This one is gonna be the talk about love, probably. My hidden thought about it.

If I could be honest, there were many times I wish I could turn back the time and start it over with someone. Either someone that I ended up being with or someone that I wish I am being with. Sound similar but the second was more like a tragedy.

Speaking about relationship. There were many relationship (in many forms) that I wish wasn't like what it ended it to be. Sometimes, I could take a good care about my feeling toward other people (boys or girls), but the other subject didn't take it the same way I do. And that's, well, so feeling-consuming ya. People are so greedy, who aren't? When it talks about themselves, they always take it first.

If they give, they wanted us to give it back, the same amount. But wait, doesn't giving something when the other people doesn't even ask about it, should be followed with sincerity? Well, at least, you have to try.

As time goes by, I learned that, I can only control what's in me and anything outside of it should be other people's right and I shouldn't be offended with whatever it is. If I mean to give, I will not hoping they will giving back. And If I wanted them to give me back, then I better not give anything. I have so much improvement in making my self to be a careless person. I only mind about what's important and matters to me. If I want, I will say yes. If not, I will say no. At least, I will let you know what I feel about it.

When I say, one I wish I ended with, is something that has never been happened to me. Who to blame? None, but my self. I am not a fighter, I am a giver. I try so hard to show my feeling (every time I have one, but if the other party didn't take it back, I'd be- well- go and eat all the feelings my self).

So, it's like such a cliché for me.. There are things I wish didn't happen and happened. But, I keep tend to take what is certain rather than seeking what I naturally interested just because I didn't have the gut to step out from my boundaries.

So, in this quarter terms of my life.. I probably still stuck in that problematic state of mind. Confused between the thought of "If it meant for me, It will come to me" and "Go seek what's important to you". But life always slapped me in the face.. when I go pursue it, it always ended not what I wanted it to be. In reverse, when I let the universe works for me, the end always become the unexpected. 

That's why I keep saying that I would take as much as it needed to think what's it that I'm looking for, what I need, what I want, where I want to go.. I won't rush thing off for the sake of releasing the social pressure. I believe, when I've done finish to acknowledge the basic question there will lies my answers.

Sincerely,

R